Marking the one year anniversary since my soul dog, Phineas, passed away
Dear Phinny,
Today marks one year since I held you. One year since I felt the weight of your perfect body in my arms. One year since I kissed your forehead between your sweet honey eyes. And yet, you have never left me. Not really. Your spirit has been with me every day. Your ashes sit on your ofrenda, next to your portrait and photograph, toys, food bowl, sweater, harness, collar, and leash. The last bed you slept in and the last blanket you rested your head on are exactly where they were the last time I saw you peacefully resting in them.
I still talk to you every day. I ask you for help and guidance. I tell you I love you before I go to sleep and when I wake up. You have visited me in my dreams and showed me around your home across the rainbow bridge. The forest, the beach, the mountains. We’ve gone hiking together there. You are happy and healthy and youthful. You are living now, forever, as you did during your best days with me.
And still, what I wouldn’t give for one more day, one more hour. Something I will never get and always want. I know I did the best I could for you, and it never feels like it was enough. I know you don’t feel that way, that you have always continued to love me, even at my most imperfect moments. I’m still trying to forgive myself for making that terrible that decision a year ago.
Though I didn’t think it would be possible, I love you and miss you more today than I did a year ago when we said goodbye. The grief of losing you is even heavier now; you have helped me get stronger so that I am better able to carry it. The joy I have for all the years we spent together is also greater; you have helped me become even more grateful for our bond. You are and always will be my soul dog. I was meant for you, and you were meant for me.
In your honor, I’m fostering dogs who need help and love to heal. I know you’re working your magic behind-the-scenes, and we’re doing this together. I know you will always be looking out for me, just as you always did when you were here in your physical form. And as crazy as it sounds, I know when you’re ready you will find a way to infuse a ray of your bright, shiny spirit into another dog who will find their way to me. I will take one look at that dog and know. I trust the process. I trust you. That will never change. Our love story continues now, and always.
Love forever,
Your Mom